Why fear blocks your willpower
I wrote about surrender in both earlier pieces: letting go of the outcome while using willpower to follow a direction. This piece talks about one of the strongest pulls back towards default: fear, especially when it keeps us from recognising and responding to what life brings.
Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle explains why fear gets in the way of that. In his teaching, surrender means accepting what already is, right now, without resisting it. At first, that may sound a bit like giving up, but it’s more like leaning in. It means you let go of the useless mental resistance to the situation you are in, since you cannot change what already is, so your energy becomes free to deal with it. Fear does the opposite: it keeps your mind busy with a future that has not happened yet, pulling your attention away from the situation you are actually in. The fear I’m talking about here is the anticipation of what might go wrong, especially when it keeps you from doing something you want or need to do.
This is how fear can get in the way of your will. Willpower can only be applied in the present, because that is the only moment in which you can act. When fear keeps pulling your mind into the future, it becomes harder to direct your will towards what you can actually do now. Indian yogi Paramahansa Yogananda called fear one of the greatest enemies of willpower. He taught that fear can paralyse the very effort we need to meet what we are afraid of. In my last piece, I wrote that whether willpower lasts depends on what it runs on. An intention serving the common good can help sustain it, while fear can still pull our attention away from acting on it.
For me, these two teachings come together here: fear can loosen its hold when you stop fighting it and accept that it is there. Surrendering to what is includes the fear you experience around that reality. Accepting it gives you room to return your attention to what you can actually do. And I believe practice can change more than how we act while afraid. Becoming aware of the thoughts and patterns behind a reaction can also change how we experience the situation. Fully understanding this can help in real life, and acceptance can also be actively practiced.
The white bear
I started addressing this from spiritual teachings. But regardless of what you do or do not believe, fear can get in the way of acting on your intentions. Research helps explain how that happens, and why trying to push fearful thoughts away can make it harder.
In a well-known experiment, people were asked not to think about a white bear for five minutes, and to ring a bell whenever they did. They kept ringing it. And when they were later allowed to think about the bear, they thought about it more than people who had been allowed to from the start. Trying not to think about something requires checking whether you are thinking about it, and that check keeps the thought present.
This helps explain why trying not to think about what you fear can backfire: the effort to push the thought away can keep bringing your attention back to it. Think of walking into a presentation with "don't mess this up" in your head, rather than "help them understand." In one study, students in a college course were asked about their goals, and their grades were tracked. Students whose goals centred on avoiding poor performance got lower grades and enjoyed the course less. To me, that illustrates the risk of letting what you fear set the direction.
You can see fear pulling you back towards default in procrastination. Putting something off can be a way to escape unpleasant feelings like fear in the moment, at the expense of our path or of something we care about. But while putting it off brings relief now, that might not be the choice you want to make. Because while you wait for the fear to leave, the opportunity may pass.
So, a life built around avoiding what you fear is a default too. It can come at the expense of opportunities and of the direction that feels right for you. Replacing that default with intention helps you remain open to your path, instead of letting fear decide what you will and will not explore.
A certain kind of hope
A surprising addition here might be: hope. Hope seems like the opposite of fear: one anticipates what could go wrong, and the other longs for what could go right. Yet they have something important in common: both can attach you to a particular outcome. Fear can make you resist the outcome you dread, while hope can make you cling to the outcome you want. That attachment makes it harder to accept what is and respond to what is actually unfolding. Your energy goes into resisting or holding on to an imagined future, instead of into the next step you can take.
Obviously, hope is not a bad thing. Being hopeful is a desirable mindset, widely promoted, and for good reason. One of the best-known theories of hope defines it as having a goal, seeing paths towards it, and believing you can pursue them. That is a beautiful and valuable sequence, and close to the steps from my last piece: a wish → an intention that makes a plan → and willpower that acts on it. Research found that students high in this kind of hope earned better grades and were more likely to graduate. Another study found that hope predicted academic success even after accounting for intelligence, personality and previous grades. To me, that connects to manifesting in practice: where you start is not the whole story. Seeing a path forward and believing you can pursue it matter too.
There is another way hope can hold us back: when we use it only to enjoy an imagined outcome, without considering what reaching it will require. Research suggests that indulging in an idealised future can reduce the energy we bring to pursuing it. The researchers suggest that the fantasy can give us a sense of already having arrived, without taking the steps that would get us there.
There is another way hope can hold us back: when we use it only to enjoy an imagined outcome, without considering what reaching it will require. Research suggests that indulging in an idealised future can reduce the energy we bring to pursuing it. The researchers suggest that the fantasy can give us a sense of already having arrived, without taking the steps that would get us there.
Now this may make hope sound tricky or a bit complicated, but it need not be. You can feel hopeful about a possibility, take the next step, and remain open to where it leads. So the question to ask yourself is simple: does my hope help me act, or does it make me wait? Hope that includes seeing ways forward and trusting that you can pursue them works together with will.
For me, hope that feels like being grateful for the path works differently. It keeps me connected to the journey I am already on, rather than an outcome I have not reached. Research offers a related insight about focusing on the process: students who pictured the steps of studying for an exam, rather than the good grade, planned better, felt less anxious and scored higher.
What does work
When my daughter has to do something at school she feels a little anxious about, like an exam, I ask her before she walks out the door: what is the one thing you need today? And she knows to answer: self-confidence. Not hoping it goes well. Just the belief that she can meet whatever comes.
A related concept in psychology is self-efficacy: the belief that you can carry out the actions a particular situation requires. Research shows that this belief can influence the effort you put in and how long you keep going when something is difficult. It gives a more specific meaning to the confidence I am encouraging in my daughter: trusting her ability to respond, without needing to know in advance how everything will turn out.
Confidence does not require the fear to be gone. Remember the white bear: trying to force a thought away can keep bringing it back. Writing down what worries you can be one way to explore what you are feeling, without having to push it away. You can try it and notice whether it helps you see the concern more clearly.
Another possibility is changing how you interpret the energy in your body. In experiments involving public speaking, singing and maths, participants encouraged to see their anxiety as excitement performed better than comparison groups. Fear and excitement can share sensations such as a racing heart and heightened energy. Recognizing some of that energy as excitement may help you approach a task as an opportunity rather than a threat.
You can also name what you are feeling. In one study, people who were afraid of spiders repeatedly approached a live spider. One group put their fear into words, while other groups used strategies such as reappraisal or distraction, or completed the exposure without an added strategy. A week later, facing a different spider, the group that had named their fear showed a lower skin conductance response, a measure of physiological arousal. They did not report feeling less afraid than the other groups, but their bodies responded less strongly. Naming fear acknowledges what is, and may help regulate part of the response. Separate brain imaging research found that labelling the emotions in negative images was accompanied by lower activity in the amygdala and greater activity in a region involved in emotion regulation.
Tolle offers a way to practice acceptance from the inside. When fear comes up, he suggests turning your attention to where you feel it in your body and observing it without judging it. You become aware of the fear, instead of being completely caught up in it.
His teaching also inspired a question I have found helpful in becoming present: what is missing in this moment? It invites me to notice what is actually here, what needs attention now, and what I am adding through an imagined future. In Tolle's teaching, a situation may require action or acceptance. What he calls a problem is the psychological weight we add through resistance and identification with the story around it. Understanding that distinction can be life-altering. For me, the spiritual teaching and the research offer different ways to explore and practice a response that is less governed by fear.
In practice
Before something that makes you anxious:
Take a few minutes to write down what exactly worries you. Notice what becomes clearer when you put it into words.
Picture the steps you can take, rather than only the outcome you fear.
When you notice nerves in your body, try recognizing some of that energy as excitement. Notice whether that helps you approach what is in front of you.
Ask yourself the question I ask my daughter: what is the one thing I need today? It might be confidence, curiosity, or the willingness to ask for help. Then identify one step you can take with that quality.
You can feel fear, acknowledge it, and still take the next step in accordance with your path.
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